My personal journey from EMCS in 2012, to hospital VBAC in 2018, then an empowering and magical ZEN Birth in Paris, a hypno-freebirth HBAC in December 2021.
Positive, gentle, natural, fulfilling. Those words kept on coming back every time I was thinking about my birthing experience to come, back in 2012, being pregnant for the first time.
I’ve spent almost all my pregnancy reading books, listening to other experiences and trying to discover the secrets of being emotionally prepared for that roller coaster of feelings that pregnancy, birth and early motherhood will bring. With every book I’ve read, with every step of the journey and every change I was making within myself, all my uncertainties started to become beliefs and I was getting more and more confident with my new self and my choices.
2012 EMCS
I was dreaming of and hoping to have that fulfilling experience of a gentle, natural birth. I’ve spent almost all my first stage of labour at home and arrived at the hospital confident that I would achieve what I’ve always dreamt of. But due to breech, I’ve had an emergency C-section. Even though having had a C-section, I’ve given Bianca the gentle start in life she deserved. Skin-to-skin contact, early breastfeeding and no mother and baby separation.
2018 VBAC
Six years later, I got pregnant with Robin and achieved a VBAC, the fulfilling and healing birthing experience I’ve needed. He also had a gentle start in life, skin-to-skin, early breastfeeding and lots of love. We’ve been discharged 4 hours after the birth, directly from the delivery suite.
It all went as I hoped it will be, except the fact that I was “not allowed” to use the birthing pool due to Robin’s high heart rate (fluctuating from 150bpm to 165bpm on contractions – but average of 160 bpm) and the medical team requested continuously monitoring + insisting on the “risks” coming with a VBAC.
Looking back, knowing what I know now, after becoming a Doula and a Positive Birth Mentor, I regret basically handing myself over to the system, not knowing my birth rights and not being able to own my birth, instead of letting myself lead by the healthcare team, being coerced and scared into accepting their “protocols” and not being able to advocate for myself and make informed choices, MY CHOICES, not theirs.
2021 owing my HBAC
After 10 years living in the UK, during 2021 we have permanently relocated to France, when I was just a few weeks pregnant with my 3rd and last baby. I have started enquiring about birth options here… but having had a EMCS back in 2012 and even though a successful VBAC in 2018, I was not able to find a single independent midwife to support my home birth choice, here in Paris, as they are not insured to assist a home birth if it’s by any reason considered “high risk”.
That being said, I have started to enquire about alternative options, to still be able to have my HBAC, as with this last baby I was determined to go through pregnancy and birth outside the system. I have only seen my “échographiste” midwife for the main 3 morphology scans and then, a presentation scan at 36 weeks, but no blood tests, nor any other investigations during pregnancy, nor have I been registered with a maternity.
After a few months of searching and trying to adapt to the circumstances, I have decided to freebirth. I had the knowledge, I had the confidence that my body knows exactly what to do and the determination to birth in power, to own at least my last birth. And, most importantly, I was FEARLESS. I trusted myself, my body and my baby! I knew that everything would be perfect! And it sure was!
Baby Kevin safely arrived on Sunday 19th of December, 4 hours exactly after my waters went. He started his life in optimal health, fully developed and ready, then gently born in the safest place, his home, undisturbed, being surrounded by his family members. It was the most unbelievable experience ever, a calm (despite the short 20 min active second stage) ZEN home water hypno-freebirth, with my husband and my daughter being there for me. My son was sleeping peacefully in his room and the dog getting all curious about the new member of the family.
I had a very relaxed pregnancy and birth, enjoying every second of the journey, as I knew it was the last time I will walk this road. Everything, from pregnancy itself, birth, how he is, his personality… if I need to put it in words, those would be easygoing, calm, relaxed, confident. What a bless to be able to experience all of this!
Ways I can support, guide and nurture you and your family during pregnancy, birth and first years of parenthood.
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